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Melody Beattie: FEAR

Jan. 11, 2010

I talk about fear as being an important aspect of ourselves that is resurfacing very strongly at these times. It is important to look at fear with a new outlook, a new perspective, and that is with a “welcoming sign” as a friend who is here to assist us in speeding up our “recovery” process. The recovery is to remember.

I recommend reading Melody Beattie and her book called The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations For Co-Dependents. No matter what level of life learning you are at, her words will assist and push you forward. You see, co-dependency is no longer just outside of us and with other relationships, but the co-dependency needs to be seen as the relationships inside of us – the other aspects or Selves that compose us.

Bettie includes the following meditation for January 10:

“Fear - Do not be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better. What if they are a little coarse and you make get your coat a little soiled or torn? What if you do fail, and get fairly rolled in the dirt once or twice? Up again; you shall never be so afraid of a tumble. – Ralph Waldo Emerson.

Fear can be a big stopper for many of us: fear of fragility, fear of failure, fear of making a mistake, fear of what others may think, and fear of success. We may second guess our next action or word until we talk ourselves out of participating in life. (But, I have failed before!) (I can’t do it good enough.) (Look at what happened last time.) (What if…?) These statements may disguise fear. Sometimes the fear is disguising shame.

After I finished the first two chapters of a book I was writing, I read them and grimaced. No good, I thought. Can’t do it. I was ready to pitch the chapters and my writing career out the window. A writer friend called, and I told her about my problem. She listened and told me, ‘Those chapters are fine. Stop being afraid. Stop criticizing yourself and keep on writing.’ I followed her advice. The book I almost threw away became a New York Times bestseller.

Relax. Our best is good enough. It may be better than we think. Even our failures may turn out to be important learning experiences that lead directly to – and are necessary for an upcoming success.

Feel the fear, then let it go. Jump in and do it- whatever it is. If our instincts and path have led us there, it’s where we need to be.

Today I will participate in life to the best of my ability. Regardless of the outcome, that makes me a winner.”


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